Jake the Mail-man
by FinnJake Fan
Summary: After the Princess Cookie incident, Jake's takes the job of being a mail-man for a day. As the day goes on, he comes to a bad neighborhood to deliver a letter. The neighborhood is full of creepy people and Jake finds it hard to believe anyone. How will his day as a mail-man end? Rated for few curse words.
1. Chapter 1 You're Hired!

_I don't own Adventure Time. It's my first story. Jake is my favorite character in AT, so I wrote my first fan-fiction about him. Sorry for the poor use of words, but please read :)_

Chapter 1. You're Hired!

"Hey Princess Bubblegum, ever since that Princess Cookie incident, I've been thinking what being a real mail-man feels like," Jake said to Princess Bubblegum, who was working in the lab they were in. She looked up from her microscope and faced Jake.

"Being a mail-man is a hard job. Candy people freaks out if you deliver something late," PB explained, "It's hard to get mail-men around here. Most of them quit their job after a day."  
"That's totally lame," Finn commented, "I thought every job is hard, especially ours, right Jake?  
"Yeah," Jake nodded in reply, "But I still wanna be a mail-man – just for a day? Pleeeaas, PB?"  
"Alright," PB responded, willing to give Jake his _**part-time **_job, "But you have to be quick. The candy postal service is well known for their speed. You don't want to embarrass us, right?  
"Ok. Ok! I'll be quick," Jake said.  
"Your job starts tomorrow at 7am!" PB said as the boys were leaving the lab.


	2. Chapter 2 Grumpy Boss

Chapter 2. Grumpy Boss

The next morning~

"Jake!"  
"JAKE!"  
"JAAAKKE!"  
"Huh?!" Jake woke up with a start.  
"You are late for your job! It's 10 minutes left to 7!" Finn said.  
Jake jumped out of the bed by the news and grabbed his alarm clock thinking why it didn't ring on time.

It looked like Finn turned off the alarm and it read 6am on the clock. Plenty of time left. Jake realized that he have just been trolled. Finn giggled at Jake's face.  
"Finn, you asshole!" Jake cursed him brother for ruining his sleep early in the morning. He rubbed his eyes and stretched his hands to get Finn. But Finn panicked and ran towards the ladder to escape.

He slipped his hand and fell.

"Owww!" Finn groaned from downstairs. It was Jakes turn to laugh. He went to the bathroom and changed into his mail-man uniform that he had from his last visit to Princess Cookie in the hospital. As he was downstairs, eating his breakfast, Finn was putting a Band-Aid on his scraped knee.  
"Aren't you gonna come with me to the job?" Jake asked before stuffing the whole pancake in his mouth.  
"Nah, I got a date with Flame Princess. Sorry – It's really important," Finn said.  
"It's ok," Jake said gulping down his pancake, "**I am** the one who asked for the mail-man job."

He left his dirty dish in the sink and went upstairs to get his stuff. Then he headed downstairs and opened the door.  
"Bye, Finn," Jake said as he left.  
"Bye," Finn said from the sink.

Jake walked around the corner of the tree house and got into a pink, girly bike. It was a stolen bike. Jake stole it from a 6 year old when he was younger. He seemed to take pride as he rode across the green fields humming and whistling. He stopped his bicycle near the post office and walked through the doors. To his surprise, there was nobody in there. Just then a grumpy old man appeared out of nowhere, slightly startling Jake.

"Uh… Good morning sir!" Jake said respectfully, "I'm new here so- "  
"You are 2 minutes late," the grumpy man said handing Jake a bag overflowing with envelops, "You have to deliver all these by the end of the day – you don't, you pay a fine." The Grumpy Man gave Jake a dangerous look before returning back to his desk. Surely this man hates people.

_It's more like: You don't, you die! _Jake thought as he left. He hung the heavy bag over his shoulder and got on his bicycle.

His day as a mail-man has begun.

* * *

Note: Most words in _Italics _are Jake's thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3 Marshmallow St

Chapter 3. Marshmallow St.

Later that day~

It was mid-day and the sun was right on top of the panting and tired 28 year old. He looked at his bag and realized he didn't finished delivering half of them! Now he understood what PB meant when she was talking about the job yesterday. Although he regretted agreeing to be a mail-man, he kept doing his job. After an hour later, Jake had a meager lunch and kept on going.

At around late afternoon, Jake took out an envelope that read:

1365, Marshmallow st,  
MS, Candy f***ing Kingdom,  
1214

**NO RETURN ADDRESS!**

"This guy use words worse than Lemongrab!" Jake said to himself, "And Marshmallow St.? That's a bad neighborhood. Gotta be careful."

It wasn't long before Jake came over the narrow, dangerous street. He looked around in anxiety. No matter how brave or tough he may be, he always felt uncomfortable when he came to an unknown neighborhood. The place was crammed with old apartment building from the last few centuries. People with tattoos and punk hair style sat in every entrance smoking cigarettes that Jake was sure was not found in stores. Kids with real guns 'played' around in the street. You never know when a bullet goes off.

Jake continues to look for house no.1365 as he passed the creepy looking people of this neighborhood. Even though Jake may be a strong guy inside, the mail-man uniform and the pink bike made him look like a chump. Some people grinned at him and muttered as he passed by. _Being a mail-man sucks!_


	4. Chapter 4 Mystery Man, Mystery Parcel

Chapter 4. Mystery Man, Mystery Parcel

Apparently, the house #1365 was at the end of the street. Jake was thankful that he got out of that street – at least for now. The house seemed to be decent. He got off his girly bike and dropped the letter in the mailbox. As he was about to get back, a man from behind called him.  
"Hey mail-man!" the voice called. Jake was alert and quickly turned back, ready for action. The man wore a long overcoat and a hat. His face couldn't be seen because of the shadows.  
"Whoa! Calm down, man! Just needed you to deliver this package for me, "he explained, looking at Jake's expression. Jake took a few cautious steps towards him.  
"W-why don't you drop it in the post box? I'll deliver it tomorrow," Jake said to the mystery man.  
"Please, Mr. Mailman," said the stranger with an ugly puppy face, "It's very important that it gets sent today. I might not be able to do it tomorrow. I'm a very busy man."

_You are a bum dressed in an overcoat in summer!_

The stranger in the overcoat handed Jake the box that he had to deliver. Jake wasn't sure about this. He glanced at the address.

It was in the middle of Marshmallow st.

For some reason, he decided to go. _Glob knows what weird junk is in the box, _Jake thought as he climbed on his bike.

Jake was still unsure of what he was doing. On one side he worried that this could later prove to be very dangerous. On the other side his _guts _gives him the courage to go back to that street.

He heads back to the Marshmallow Street and began to look for the specific house that the package is supposed to go to.

Finally he came near the apartment building where he was supposed to bring the parcel in. A big fat guy with tattoos all over his chest was blocking the entrance and was smoking. Jake walked up to him with the parcel and casually said, "Excuse me." The man sneered at him and moved aside. Jake 'phew'-ed as he walked into the hideous building. As he was about to put it near the apartment door, the door opened and a middle-aged but muscular guy was standing before Jake.

"I see that you have a parcel for me; who is it from?" he asked. Jake didn't know the answer.  
"There's no return address in it," he murmured.  
"_No return address on it,"_ he mimicked, underestimating Jake because of his height. Jake glared at him, offended. The man grinned. After all, what can a 3ft pathetic _mail-man_ do to a 6ft muscular guy?

The man on the door began to open his package. Jake thought his job was done, so he turned around to leave. "Uh-uh, little man, not so quickly," said the man teasingly. Anger was building up inside Jake. _You think you are so tough? __I could just beat the juice outta you right now.__  
_

He turned around and squinted. "What now?" he asked. The tall man seemed to be surprised by Jake's attitude; however he kept himself quiet and took out a bundle of cash from the box. He began to count it. "What type of people sends money in a box?" Jake asked, innocently. "What did you say" the tall man said looking annoyed. "Nothing," Jake replied quickly. He smirked at the way people send money to each other in here. _These losers don't even have bank accounts!_

After minutes of quick re-checking, the man's face grew red with frustration. Jake seemed to notice that and asked whether he could help. He made it worse…


	5. Chapter 5 Brawl

Chapter 5. Brawl

"This. Isn't ENOUGH!" the tall man screamed at his bundle of money, startling Jake.  
"What isn't enough?" Jake asked curiously. He knew that being scared right now is a dumb idea. Thugs like them always overreact – like little bli-blobs.  
"Shut yo mouth, kiddo!" the man shouted in anger,"There's not enough money in here!"  
"Did you just call me a kid?" Jake asked angrily, prepared to fight.  
"**Yeah**! Whatcha gonna do 'bout it, little punk?!" the tall man asked, flexing his muscles.

"Don't you underestimate me, _old man! _I'll leave you alone for now. Besides, your money ain't my business," Jake said turning his back on the tall thug and walking down the stairs.

Suddenly the stranger on the doorway held Jake by the collar and threw him to the island.  
"DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME, YOU DISRESPECTFUL SON OF A B****!" He spat.  
Jake groaned in pain. He was patient enough with this insolent man; it's time that he acts. He quickly got up and threw a swift and hard punch in his face. Blood spurted out of the man's mouth and nose. Jake grinned in happiness. The man thought Jake was a chump all right. But now he isn't! He stretched himself to 6ft and then enlarged his hands into huge fists. He punched the man with both of his hands and knocked him out. He chuckled in victory and reached out for his cell phone. He called Princess Bubblegum.


	6. Chapter 6 Phone Call

Chapter 6. Phone Call

PB: Hello?

Jake: Yeah this is Jake. I found the guy you were looking for. Jacked him up all nice for you.

PB: Good Job. I hope you are not hurt.

Jake: Hurt? No way! Alright, so what do I do now?

PB: I hope no one saw you. Just leave the place. The police will be here shortly and will handle the situation. Thank you for your help, Jake. I couldn't have found him without you.

Jake: No probs, Pi-biz. Bye.

PB: bye. (Hangs up)

Jake hangs up his phone and quietly walks downstairs while the half-dead body lies on the 2nd floor hallway. Jake smirked as he exits the building – and successfully completing an under-cover operation. He gets on his bicycle and rides home while the skies were filled with the golden rays of sunset.

* * *

2 months earlier – in Candy Castle

"I-I don't understand, why do you wanna talk to me alone?" Jake said, wondering why the pink haired ruler invited him personally to a room. "I want you to do something for me," PB said, walking toward the dog. "W-what?" Jake stammered, hoping that it's not something perverted. "For the past couple of years, there has been a significant increase in drug businesses in the Candy Kingdom," the Princess explained with a serious face, "And I want **you **to investigate it for me."

Jake blankly stared at her. "Y-you think I could do this? And what about Finn?" Jake questioned.  
"Finn is still too young. I need a someone strong to do this job," PB answered.  
"True, but I never did anything like this before. Going undercover? What I'm _actually good at_ is to beat up people," Jake said. "Bad people," he corrected.  
"My other undercover agents will take care of things you don't know. Here's what _you_ have to do…" and the Princess continued to tell Jake her plan…

* * *

And why did Jake ask Finn to come with him at his job? Just to act casual. He knew Finn won't be able to come because of his date.

* * *

_Thank you for reading :) Please post reviews so that I know what you think of my fanfic_


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